I have been holding onto something for a few years now. Something where I was wronged and never got the chance to tell them—never got the chance to get closure.
Ever since this event occurred, I have allowed it to rest in my heart and fester. Fester like a dog chewing on a toy until there is no toy left. I have let these feelings sit there and poke holes in who I was as a person.
For several years now, I have not been the same person. I have not enjoyed life nearly as much as I should, nor have I embraced life to the fullest.
I constantly felt like tarnished silverware sitting in a drawer just waiting to be taken out from the shadows. I was waiting for someone to come along that could harness my full potential.
As time went on, along with this anger came a new feeling. It was a feeling of guilt. Guilt that I had let this small thing take over who I was and who I wanted to be.
For several days I would forget, but suddenly these thoughts would creep back into my head and wrap around me like a warm blanket and reignite the feelings of worthlessness and guilt. Reignite the feelings I had on that day.
Finally this week I decided I have had enough. I was done running from these feelings and hiding in the shadows. I was done allowing these people to take something from my life. To take away who I was.
So this week I crafted a letter. A letter that laid everything out there and told everything that hurt me. Everything that I was still holding onto. As I was writing this letter, I had anger and regret bubbling up inside me. Sometimes I caught myself choking back tears as I wrote.
At the end of the letter I had written everything I thought I needed to, but yet there was this feeling still sitting inside me. Something I had never really noticed. Something I had never really thought about.
There was this feeling of gratefulness. I was suddenly grateful that everything was over and that I had been on this journey. I actually ended up saying thank you in the letter because I had learned some great things over these years. I had learned to be more humble and listen. I had learned to temper myself and think through everything I said.
I suddenly realized that I had grown from this experience. That after letting go of these feelings and coming to these conclusions, who I was today was a better version of myself than I was a few years ago.
I am not a regular listener of Miley Cyrus, but her song “The Climb” suddenly made so much sense to me this week, “Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.”
After everything was over, I could suddenly breathe again. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could finally come up for air. I could finally spend time every week thinking about something other than that day.
Over these few years, I don’t know what the technical term is that I was dealing with. I don’t know what the best way to handle it was, but I’m glad I finally handled it. I think everyone has something like this brewing inside of them. Something that is eating them up.
Whether it is being unable to forgive someone, which sometimes is yourself, or something else that is holding you down, today I encourage you to find a way to move past it. I encourage you to climb that mountain, and overcome those feelings.
I certainly am glad I did, and now can move onto being who I want to be. Who I was meant to be.
As a special bonus, you will now undoubtedly be singing a Miley Cyrus song for the rest of the day. Your welcome!
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